Baby sitting

	BadX called and texted me earlier tonight to ask if I could take Teddy Bear for the weekend or really just during the day on both Sat and Sun.  He will be working with his girlfriend because her business has picked up and that way she does not have to hire someone else and the money stays in the household.  Sugar will be with a friend so he is covered.  She will still be in control of the money though, so the boys will still not get anything. Dang it. I shouldn't say things like that... I hope that they work out as a family and that she starts including the boys in as much as she does with her daughter. Well anyway, I knew that it was going to be hard to convince Perfect and I was right.  I got "I am nobody's baby-sitter!" Even though I pick up Gorgeous at the drop of a hat with a minute's notice.  Although his thing is that he want to spend time with HIS daughter and the boys are not mine.  I don't think of it that way, the boys want me in their life and I want to be there, so I am not a baby sitter I am spending time with them. It took pouting and whining, but he finally said that we could get him just tomorrow (Saturday) and that I should be grateful.  REALLY!!!!! Ugh, well maybe after we have him here he will change his  mind and let him stay.

BadX's girlfriend texted me today to take Teddy Bear tomorrow.  According to her BadX got a job, but I don't know if I buy it.  I hope so, but really my work schedule is simple and they knew I would be working, so I think they only asked in order to point out the fact that he has a job.

big brother's birthday

it is big brother's birthday.  i miss planning out stuff and getting to see the joy on his face.  his mother took him, his brother and little sister to a theme park and then a skate park, which he will love and i am a little jealous that it is not me taking him.

it is so hard missing them and loving them so much, but at the same time being happy that i do not have the financial burden so that i can give eden the best life possible.  i will be able to send him to college and buy him a cheap car when he turns 16, etc.  but i wish i could do the same for them.  as it is, i buy them socks and underwear when i can because it looks as if no one else does (crazy i know, but they come over ever time with no underwear on....ugh).

i hate missing these special events... maybe i can talk perfect into getting them next weekend....

family ties

Going to get Gorgeous (Perfect's oldest daughter) today after work.   Eden loves his big sister!  I can't wait to walk in and his face to light up when he sees her.

I wish he could see his other sister Silly.  He is 16 months old and has never met her, she lives across the country.  I am hoping that we can save up to get her here next summer, because it will be Perfect's last summer as a stay at home Daddy. 

It is so strange to me, my parents are still married and never had any children with other people.  My sister and I grew up together and are very close.  To have siblings that you never see is such a foregn concept to me.  Eden is basically an only child he has 2 siblings but he sees one once a month and the other he has never met.

In Perfect's family he is the youngest of 6 and they range over 20 years and that is just on his mother's side.  His father had children before he met his mother and vice versa.  He has siblings on his father's side that he never sees.  So this life is not as weird for him, but to me it is weird having a family spread out all over the place.

I'm sure that he will still be close to his family, but I wish they could all live with us, including my pseudo sons!

Awesome but sad weekend.

It started week...
I noticed that the boys mom stated that she was going to have big brother but not little brother over the weekend. She did this a month prior and asked if I would take little brother so that she would not have to leave him at home alone over the weekend.

Later I found that she took big brother on vacation....REALLY!

She promissed to take little brother the following weekend to a theme park to make up for it, but never did.

I did not want this to happen again so I asked badX for both the boys before she could ask for only one.

We went to a corn maze and had a blast.  They had a jump pillow, we got lost for 3 hours, we ate corn and drank lemonade....... IT WAS AWESOME!!

When their mother found out I had them she asked if she could get them from me to take them costume shopping and unfortunately I told them and she ignored my text when we were done.

I felt really bad driving them home. I miss them already.

A hard situation

It hurts me that Perfect doesn't like the boys being in my life.  He feels that it would be better for everyone if I just left them alone, but I just can't.  They have been abandoned over and over and now they are living with someone who treats one of them like a second class citizen.

I would hate for them to feel like my love for them is less than it is.  They need to know that someone will always be there for them.  At the very least someone responsible, because I know that BadX loves them, but he does nothing to care for them.

I have to beg and bargain to get Perfect to let them come over.  I know that they are not technically my kids, but that is not the way they feel and it is not the way I feel either.  LB (little brother) has my personality and my love of cuddling.  BB (Big Brother) has my brain and lack of living up to my potential.

I raised them from the time I was 25 and they were both 3 until they were 7, every time I pick them up they say you are pretty much our mom <3.  I was the soul financial provider and I was the only one that took them to the park and the pool and I was the only one who went to their student teacher meetings.

I WAS THEIR MOMMY!

I would never deny his right to see his "ex" stepson if he was able to.  Unfortunately, his ex is an evil witch who expected him to raise the boy as his own until she decided to get back with the biological that abandoned him in the first place.

I wish that I knew that the boys would be ok....